


the sky knows your name

by darlingjongin



Category: billkinpp
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Summer Camp, M/M, Mutual Pining, Reunion, Side Pairing: OffGun, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:47:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28863537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darlingjongin/pseuds/darlingjongin
Summary: Billkin and PP met at summer camp where they found friendship and love in the midst of singing, dust cabins and tedious activities. Three years later, Billkin forgot about the boy with the sweet smile until he starts second year of college and he realised anything that happened under the skies may never been forgotten.
Relationships: PP Krit Amnuaydechkorn/Billkin Putthipong Assaratanakul
Comments: 4
Kudos: 73





	1. I told the sky about you.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Silakbo; Write For A Cause.
> 
> I loved this prompt and the commissioner was kind enough to allow me to upload it for everyone else to enjoy. It’s much shorter than my other fics but I hope you all still enjoy it! I had a lot of fun writing it :)

_**Part I; I told the sky about you.** _

‘His name’s Billkin and I think I’m in love with him’

PP doesn’t keep journals, he was too scared that someone might find it and read his words. For someone who’s afraid of his own damn self he didn’t know what he would do if a stranger caught a glimpse of his true feelings. So, instead he would look up at the sky, his back rested against the roof of his house and he would speak to the clouds.

_‘Billkin’_

That name was constantly repeated every night, whether in strokes of whispers or sorrowful sobs, PP never failed to mention that name every night. The spirits in the skies were probably sick and tired of it, the two syllables which rolled off PP’s tongue every night, hashing out memories which were hazy yet still clear, like a soft mist against neon lights.

‘I wonder if he still remembers me’, he whispered to himself as he leaned his head against his folded arms, looking at the blotched clouds above him. The moon looked full tonight, but empty at the same time, a curved darkness at the edge of light.

‘PP?! Where are you?!’, he heard his mother’s shouts from inside the house and he quickly slid from the roof, climbing back down to his bedroom where his desk light was still lit, the suitcase from his summer still unpacked. His clothes still smelt of burnt wood and dried leaves. It had been months since he returned home but he didn’t want to get rid of the smell, it was the only thing he had of him – of Billkin – a rush of momentary madness which he knew would fade due to time.

‘I’m here!’, PP shouted at his mum, opening his door and slamming his door shut as he joined his mother downstairs.


	2. Part II; the water danced with you and me

**_Part II; the water danced with you and me._ **

**_Now Playing: Rehab – Amy Winehouse (0.55)_ **

**_Summer; 2017_ **

‘Unbelievable’, Billkin whined as his parents parked the family car. They were in the middle of nowhere, concrete roads long gone and replaced with mud and uneven dirt which juggled him awake, pushing him to the reality of his hell, ‘Kids go to summer camp, not me!’, he shouted at his parents even though it was too late. They had packed his bags days prior, shoving him inside the car with nothing more than lectures of his shitty behaviour in school which forced them to sign him up to the retreat.

‘It’s called enlightenment darling’, his mother explained to him, being the softer parent who still had the patience to explain it to him despite his temper tantrums during the four hour car journey, ‘You’re going to be starting college next year and you can’t keep behaving like this’

‘Like what?’

‘Like a king with no dignity’, his dad shouted back, throwing his a bottle of water, letting it hit his head as he glared at him, ‘Now quit sulking and get your bags out of the boot. You’re staying here for the summer whether you like it or not’

‘Everything’s made out of wood’, Billkin shouted at him, ‘I can burn this whole place down’

‘I’d like to see you try’, his dad gave out a dry laugh, getting out of the car and joining his wife as they checked their son in for the summer. This was abandonment and Billkin wanted to run away from his parents who did nothing but neglect him and let others discipline him.

In his truth, he didn’t even do anything. Anyone who got punched by him deserved it and his classmates can agree with that. They were scums to begin with, kids with sharp teeth and mouth of flowing lava. They did nothing but make school worse.

Too bad the kids he punched were also rich motherfuckers who could afford to kick him out of school because their parents donates to the institution. They deserved to be here, not him.

‘This is bullshit’, he whispered to himself, finally getting out of the car, slamming the door shut as he stomped over to the back, grabbing the small suitcase which were scratched with age, ‘Fucking bullshit’, he kept muttering to himself, kicking the tyres of his dad’s car, contemplating whether to run away right there and then.

‘Who the hell are you?’, Billkin’s tantrum was interrupted by a deep voice, a tall stranger walking over to him. He had black hair parted in the middle, his eyes hidden behind sunglasses with a small suitcase beside him too.

‘And you? You’re dumped in this summer camp to?’, he asked, ignoring the boy’s question and asking his own. He looked around the same age, skin fair and lips pink.

‘Yeah, it was either this or community service’, the boy shrugged, smirking at him as he took off his sunglasses, showing Billkin his handsome face. He stretched his hand out, offering it to him, ‘I’m Off by the way. Off Jumpol’

‘Billkin’, he simply replied, shaking the latter’s hand. The pair shared a smile and for a moment Billkin thought his hell might not all be too bad, ‘What did you do to get you to this place?’

‘I set someone’s house on fire’

‘What?’, Billkin’s smile faded and he suddenly took a step back, his eyes turning round with mixtures of shock and somewhat fear. Punching his fellow classmates were a kid’s show compared to this bastard’s crimes.

‘Don’t worry, no one got hurt. I just needed to prove a point’, Off defended himself, ‘I made sure to put it out before it spread. That’s why I got caught. They saw me pouring water on their burnt carpet’

‘So you broke into their house?’

‘Hey, the bastard cheated with my ex-boyfriend and had the audacity to come to my party the following night’, Off shouted his defence, ‘I had to do something, right?’

‘Right’, Billkin nodded, albeit still surprised, he couldn’t help but laugh at him, shaking his head whilst the noise of his hearty laugh echoed through out the forest, gaining the attention of the others as they waited for their parents to fuck off and leave them to fend for themselves in the small camp hours away from the nearest town. Off didn’t need to say anything else, Billkin decided to follow him when they heard a loud whistle cutting through the air, the supervisor finally walking out from the office with a clipboard of their names.

‘Alright everyone, I think it’s best we let you get settled in first before we released our weekly schedules of activities. The car ride here must’ve been tiring so I’ll be calling out your names and your assigned rooms. Two people share one room, so you’ll be meeting your fellow roommate for the summer’

‘God, I hope it’s not someone weird’, Billkin whispered under his breath, making Off laugh as they stood beside each other, blending in with the crowd of delinquent, every single faces looking disinterested and bored, tilting their head and tapping their foot impatiently.

‘We can sneak out and go out for a smoke’, Off offered, which piqued Billkin’s interest, smiling at the tall boy as he nodded his head with interest. He only met Off a few minutes ago but he was already cooler than all of his classmates in his school.

_‘Mond and First’_

_‘Stacy and Gina’_

_‘Boy and Ploy’_

_‘Mook and Fern’_

Names splattered out of the supervisor’s mouth one by one, miserable teenagers waving goodbyes to their parents as they grabbed the keys from the assistant, two strangers walking side by side every few seconds, forced to be glued together as they were showed to their rooms. The main area slowly started to disperse when Billkin noticed the sighs of relief from parents as soon as they watched their kids disappeared, almost climbing into their cars and racing away from the trash they had dumped them in. For a moment, he thought he almost saw a couple high five each other as they reversed out of the car park and headed straight to the highway.

What disappointments. Billkin had always been taught to see elders as wisdom entities, deserving of his utmost respect and pure submission, yet they showed no signs of difference. They were as immature, ignorant and unknowing of the world. His respect faded into indifference the longer he observed them.

_‘Gun and Off’_

‘Oh shit, that’s me’, Off whispered, holding onto his suitcase as he looked around to see who his roommate was, a short boy walking out of the crowd, his hair cut short, his lips cut and scabbed with his knuckles bandaged together.

‘Looks like you got yourself a good one’, Billkin joked, elbowing the tall stranger who had easily become his friend, the pair snickering before Off parted from him, ‘Make sure not to get on his bad side’

‘I‘ll try not to’, Off whispered back, ‘Once you finished unpacking, meet me by the lakes. I spotted a good hiding place when I got here’

‘Sure thing’, Billkin whispered back, watching as he walked away, grabbing his room keys and walking beside the short kid by the name Gun. He laughed at their heigh difference but his smile faded when he saw the way Gun glared at everyone around him, scowling at every chance he got and he realised that despite his short height, he was much more intimidating upon second glance. He prayed for Off’s safety.

_‘Billkin and PP?’_

‘Who?’, he snarled when he heard his name called out with someone else. The specks of summer light danced in fragmentation due to the dancing leaves from the blowing branches. That was when he first saw the boy, someone his height, with his built and even similar a hairstyle as him. His eyes were golden hues of brown, especially when he looked up, letting the specks of sun kiss his face.

The boy got to the front first, grabbing their keys and letting it swing from his fingers, looking around in search of him.

He turned behind to find his parents still standing by the car, waiting for him to leave. He watched them wave and he ignored their goodbyes, grabbing his suitcase and walking over to the front where the boy was waiting for him.

‘Billkin?’, he called his name, waiting patiently for him to keep up.

‘The one and only’, was the first thing he said to him, leaning on his suitcase as they wait for the assistant to show them to their rooms, his eyes bored and yet still struck with interest when he kept looking at his face. He had to admit, the first time he saw Off he admitted he was handsome, but something was different about this one.

He thought PP was ugly, but he couldn’t stop looking at him. It was an infatuation he couldn’t place a finger on, so instead of dwelling on it, he walked pass the boy and headed towards their cabin which was at the edge of the camp, the furthest away from the main area.

The wheels on his suitcase was scratched and bruised by the time they arrived at their small cabin, hugged by bright leaves which entertained itself around the small architecture like a painter’s brush going crazy across the empty canvas.

‘The canteen will be open in an hour’, the assistant by the name of Pond explained to them, her hair braided and tied behind her, a warm smile on her face as she showed them around the room which consisted of two single beds with hard mattresses.

Everything was made out of wood. The floors, the bed, the tables and chairs. Even the stupid figure of a wolf which was placed on the centre of the coffee table was carved in wood.

‘Make yourself at home and take all the time in the world to get used to the area’, Pond encouraged them, which didn’t do much to Billkin who closed his eyes and tugged his hair in frustration as he jumped onto the bed nearest to him.

‘Uh, excuse me, but… Where’s the bathroom?’, Billkin heard PP ask and he opened his eyes out of curiosity, looking around to find that the cabin only had one room which consisted of their beds and a few drawers.

‘Ah, lucky for you guys, you have your own bathroom since your cabin is slightly further away from the others’, Pond smiled as she walked over to the window, opening the curtains and letting the sun in. She pointed outside to which Billkin sat up on his bed and glanced outside to which they saw a small shack, barely keeping itself together.

‘You’ll be supplied with hot water every morning and night for your showers’

‘There’s no plumbing here?!’, Billkin shouted, interrupting her before she could continue to explain, stomping out of his bed and heading towards the window to get a closer look, ‘Please don’t tell me there’s a hole on the floor and that’s where we shit?’

‘This is a summer camp of enlightenment so we try to stray away from the distractions of the modern world’

‘Toilets aren’t a distraction of the modern world! They’re a necessity because we’re not cavemen!’

‘Well, in this case it might teach you the patience to control your temper’, Pond bit back as she grabbed her clipboard from the table, raising a brow at him, ‘You’re both here to find inner peace’

‘You don’t actually believe in that shit, right?’, Billkin laughed when he heard Pond talk, turning to see her serious face which glared impatiently at him.

‘I’ll leave the two of you to settle in’, she ignored his sarcastic jab, heading for the door and slamming it shut, caging him with a stranger he found no recollection of interest in. Billkin simply went back to his chosen bed, which was closest to the door, kicking his suitcase in the process, making it land with a loud thud of the wooden floors as he grabbed the hard pillow and laid on his back.

‘So, why the hell were you sent here?’, he finally spoke to PP again, who was knelt on the floor, silently unpacking his clothes, ‘Did you kill a cat or something?’

‘No’, PP replied, scrunching his nose in disgust at the thought, ‘Do you think someone here would do that?’

‘You’re literally in a camp full of delinquents. You should expect it’, Billkin chuckled, looking up at the ceiling and seeing the blotches of rot which patched itself all over.

‘Did you?’

‘Me?’, Billkin snorted when PP asked him, ‘No, I only harm humans’

‘Oh’

‘Not surprised?’

‘Not really’, PP replied, his voice softer than Billkin’s which was rough and angry, ‘I punched someone in school’

‘Same’

‘He called me the f word’

‘What’s an f word?’, Billkin asked, turning his head to look at the boy, leaning his chin on his hands as he saw PP look down on his knees with shifting eyes. He had turned awkward.

‘Do you really not know or are you taunting me too?’

‘There’s a lot of words starting with f’, Billkin defended himself, ‘Do you want me to list all of them?’

‘I’m gay’, PP stopped him from talking with a confession he didn’t expect nor did he ask for. He couldn’t say it made things particularly awkward, but there was a kind of different silence shared between the two of them.

‘Okay, good for you, I guess’, Billkin replied, ‘Do you want me to congratulate you?’

‘Now do you know which word I’m talking about?’

Billkin thought about it and it wasn’t hard to come to the conclusion, chuckling to himself as he turned to lay on his back again.

‘You punched a homophobe? Then you shouldn’t be here, it should be the other dude’

‘That’s what my mum said, but this was the only way they could stop the charges against me’

‘They were planning to sue you for a punch?’, Billkin laughed, not taking it seriously unlike PP who once again looked down on his lap, embarrassed about what happened before summer, ‘Damn I beat up like five guys and they didn’t plan to sue me. You the fuck did you punch?’

‘The ministry of education’s son’

‘Oh shit. Well then…’, Billkin stopped laughing, but he noticed that the awkwardness between them weren’t immense anymore, ‘I guess we have something to look forward to if the future of our generation’s going to be led by that bastard’

‘Yeah’

‘Yeah’

* * *

Billkin ran away as soon as he threw his clothes inside the drawers next to his bed, slamming the door shut behind him as he tried to remember the way back to the main area. The forest was overwhelmingly large, each cabin lined up one after the other yet they looked small placed in the middle of tall trees and the harrowing sky above them.

His shoes created crunching noises as he walked over dead leaves and sticks, looking around to where he saw the light reflecting of the light blue lake. He wondered if Off managed to get away from his roommate in time for them to hang out alone before lunch.

‘Off?’, he called out to his new friend, pushing the branches away from his as he made it to the side of the lakes, hearing the squawks of ducks from a distance, ‘Off?’

‘Who the fuck are you?’, he smelt his bitter breath before he heard his voice, the faded smokes of cigarette flying around the clear air and he walked towards the short boy he instantly recognised as Gun. He had a cigarette resting between his fingers, his eyes sharp and defensive when he joined him.

‘I’m looking for Off. Why’re you here?’

‘I’m fucking bored’, Gun replied, leaning on the bark of a willow tree, looking ahead to watch the view in front of him, ‘Off’s gone back to our room to get more cigarettes’

‘You finished it already?’

‘The bastard only brought two’

‘Yeah, I guess the other one’s supposed to be for me’, Billkin pointed out, joining Gun and leaning beside. The flowing willow branches hid them from the rest of the world, shading their silhouette from being seen by the others. Their was silence between them, but he felt Gun pressing his arm against his, lifting up the cigarette to offer to him.

Billkin took in without hesitation, pressing it between his chapped lips as he breathed in the nicotine for the first time, coughing like a mad man when the bitterness attacked his lungs for the first time, burning his throat.

‘Don’t blow it out yet’, Gun told him, chuckling when he saw Billkin’s eyes began to water, ‘Let it rest a little before breathing it out’

‘Fucking hell’, Billkin shook his head and ignored his advice, coughing out the grey smokes out of him, ‘This is disgusting’

‘It’s not supposed to be cute’, Gun laughed at him, grabbing it back and placing it back to his own lips, taking a drag. Billkin noticed how natural it came to Gun, playing with the smoke until it formed into a ring when he blew it out. That was when Billkin was reminded on his cut on his lower lip, curiosity getting the better of him.

‘So, why’re you here?’, he asked him.

‘Same as you’, Gun replied.

‘You beat up a bunch of bullies? I thought you were the bully’

‘I am’, Gun smirked at him, looking out in the horizon to where a team of ducks where swimming on the other side of the lake, ‘But the real bullies are usually in better clothing and have a bigger house than me’

‘Ah, beating up the rich kids?’, Billkin laughed, ‘That’s my hobby too’

‘Guess you and me are gonna get along just fine’, Gun smiled back and this was the first time he’d seen him smile. It suited him. He looked cute this way.

‘Billkin! You’re here!’, they finally heard Off’s voice joining them, the taller breathing a little heavy, leaning on his knee as he passed another cigarette to Gun, ‘God, I nearly got caught’

‘No wonder it took you so long’, Gun murmured, grabbing two sticks from the floor, scratching it together until he formed enough spark to light his second cigarette, ‘Here’, he passed the newly lit cigarette to Billkin, ‘And try not to choke yourself to death this time’

The three of them took their sweet time complaining to each other about their tragic teenage life, sharing a cigarette as they found company in one another. At first glance both Gun and Off looked unapproachable, the very essence of rascals and bullies, but upon a few hours, he already saw a crack in their image in forms of smiles and laughter. They were only half of what everyone thought of them and despite Gun’s rough edges and loud mouth, even he looked innocent when the sun landed on him.

* * *

Off was wise enough to carry gum, the three taking in the mint before walking back to the main area where the canteen was. The crowds of teenagers already made their way inside. They all kept to themselves, grabbing their trays in absolute silence.

‘Can you smell the smoke on my shirt?’, Billkin whispered to Gun as they made their way inside, noticing a handful of supervisors and assistants standing around and monitoring the area.

‘No, you’re fine’, Gun whispered back, taking out his gum and pressing it against the wall before grabbing a tray and passing it to him. The three of them may be different but it looked like everyone else was the same, hostile with one another and choosing to isolate themselves in their own bubble as they ate by themselves. It won’t be long until conflict started and the rough edges sparked into something massive, so today was probably the only day they’d have some peace and quiet.

Salted rice, green curry and somtum salad was slapped onto their tray by an expressionless kitchen assistant, her face wrinkled and dragged down in a permanent scowl as the food splattered everywhere. Billkin glared at her, but she didn’t seem to care, as she moved onto the next kid’s tray, her eyes looking at nothing, not even the food in front of her.

‘God, this is worse than hell’, Billkin whispered, making Gun and Off laugh at him, the trio looking around to find a seat. But it was a scene from Mean Girls, one table filled to the brim with guys with shitty tattoos on their arms – probably done by themselves with a stick and some ink – another table they passed were filled with girls and with painted nails and dyed hair. Despite the hostility, each teenager knew which world they belonged in, even if it was just for the summer, and they were quick to separate themselves with others and stay close to those who looked like them.

Maybe Billkin was wrong. Maybe they were much closer to cavemen than he anticipated.

‘There’s an empty table at the end’, Off pointed at the last round table which didn’t have anyone seating on it, the three erasing themselves from the rest of the group. Billkin could already sense the suspicious glances coming from the supervisors, observing them with much precautions as they huddled together, three different boys choosing to entertain each other, which could only mean travel for them.

But then three turned into four.

‘Can I sit here?’

There pairs of eyes looked up, their view settling on a boy who looked similar to Billkin. He had his hair down, wearing a white shirt with a bomber jacket and denim shorts, just like Billkin.

‘Who’re you?’, Gun asked him with cautious eyes.

‘PP’, Billkin answered for him, ‘He’s my roommate’

‘Is he a good one?’, Off asked him, mirroring the words he used to describe Gun a couple of hours ago and he laughed at him, choosing to nod his head and tap the spare seat next to him.

‘He’s cool’, Billkin told the pair, ‘And apparently he’s gay’

‘Good to know’, Off chuckled, reaching his hand out to shake PP’s, to which the former accepted, setting his tray down and smiling at Off, ‘I wonder how that conversation went’

‘He was just explaining how he ended up here’, Billkin shrugged, chewing his food at the two introduced themselves to his roommate.

‘And why did he end up here?’, Gun asked, tilting his head curious as to how such a sweet looking boy could be mixed in a crowd with these lot.

‘He punched a rich homophobe’, Billkin answered for him, which once again got the two laughing.

‘Good for you’, Off nodded, patting PP’s back as they continued to eat, ‘It feels nice punching their ugly faces right?’

‘A little’, PP admitted, ‘But then I was charged with assault and now I’m here, so it’s not as good as I’ve been told’

‘Someone filed a lawsuit against you?’, Off snorted, almost spitting his drink, ‘Damn that dude must’ve been a coward’

‘He really was. He started crying’, PP added the last bit which made everyone laugh. Within minutes their table had become the loudest, the other teenagers turning their heads in interest as they listen to their jokes.

Billkin hated the fact that his parents easily gave up on him and dumped him in the middle of nowhere, but for the first day, it wasn’t as bad as he expected. He met three idiots who were unapologetically just like him and unlike his friends back home, they weren’t afraid to be different or to be looked at. It gave him a peace of mind that he wasn’t the only weirdo in the world.

* * *

‘Do you think Gun likes me?’, PP asked him once they made it back to their cabin after the introduction assembly was finished. Billkin couldn’t help but sigh in relief once the head supervisor had finished her three hour lecture about peace, meditation and love.

‘I mean he doesn’t look like he hates you. Why? You already have a crush on him?’, he joked as he tried to open their cabin door. Due to time and probably the fuckery of their luck, their door had a habit of being stuck, forcing them to push against it before it swung open. It was getting cold as the sun was preparing to set, leaving specks of gold before the sky turned dark.

‘No, I just… He sometimes looks like he wants to punch me’

Billkin couldn’t help but laugh, agreeing with PP on that one. He couldn’t quite figure Gun out yet either. He had a permanent scowl which disappeared into smiles or laughters for a moment but he’d always go back to it, a never ending of bored expressions and attitude.

‘Who cares if he doesn’t like you anyway? We’re all forced to get along until summer ends so he has no choice but to tolerate you’

‘Do you feel the same way?’, PP asked suddenly, the pair standing beside their beds and ready to call it the night, ‘Are you just gonna tolerate me?’

‘Well, duh’, Billkin answered with ease, ‘I don’t even know you but I know I don’t want you pissing on my mattress, so I’ll try hard not to piss you off’

‘I’m not gonna pee on your bed’

‘You’d never know’, Billkin pointed at him, taking off his shirt without so much as a warning, which flustered PP who immediately looked down, coughing a little as he settled at the edge of his bed.

‘Now where’s P’Pond and that damn hot water. I wanna take a shower before I go to sleep’, Billkin whined, walking towards his drawer to grab a clean shirt.

They were only on nickname basis and they still don’t know shit about each other – but their first day was okay – it was everything they expected it to be, silent, awkward yet interesting.

PP couldn’t help but laugh as he watched Billkin carry a tub of hot water towards the shack outside, staring out the window and biting his lip when he heard him shout trails of curses whilst he screeched at the bugs and spiders he found inside, threatening P’Pond to clean it out for him before he entered.

* * *

‘Today’s first activity is kayaking and basketball’

‘I think the fuck not’, Billkin heard himself whispering as they sat on the floor of the hall, listening to their supervisors do an overview of today’s activities.

‘You’ll be split in two groups, one will follow P’Korn to the lake where you’ll be taught how to manoeuvre a kayak whilst the other stays in the field for a match of basketball. The group’s will swap after lunch’

‘Please don’t force me to get into water’, Off whined, leaning his forehead on his hand as he waited for their names to be called out, dreading the list.

‘It beats basketball’, Gun pointed out, ‘I fucking hate basketball’

‘That’s because you’re too short to play’, Off joked, which made Billkin choke on his own saliva, laughing as he watched Gun throw a punch at his arm.

PP wanted to join in on the jokes, but he sat beside them and laughed instead. He still found Gun scary and Billkin… What he said last night didn’t give him the confidence to be comfortable about him. Tolerating was much different than being friends.

_‘Billkin, PP, you’re part of the kayaking team’_

‘Christ’, Billkin whined, tugging his hair as he got up to join the first group, Off pointing a finger at him as he stuck his tongue out, making fun out of him. He gave Off the middle finger, following the rest of the group at the front with PP beside him, ‘At least I’m with you’, he whispered to his roommate, the only other person he’d spoken to since he arrived.

‘I can’t swim’, PP warned him as they walked out of the halls and towards the lake, only to be looked at with judging eyes by Billkin who held in his laugh.

‘What do you mean you can’t swim? Haven’t you been taught at school?’

‘No, I was homeschooled when I was young’

‘And your parents didn’t throw you in the swimming pool?’

‘No. Did yours?’, PP asked, shocked that Billkin nodded his head with a goofy grin on his face.

‘That’s why I’m such a pro at it now’, Billkin mentioned, the pair falling in line with the rest of the group who looked cranky and uninterested, probably because it’s been the earliest they’ve been awake in a long time.

‘I’m being serious Billkin, I don’t think I can get in the water’, PP tugged at his sleeves when he noticed the supervisors handing everyone a paddle and floats.

‘It’s a lake and you’re gonna be wearing a float’, Billkin reassured him, pushing PP’s hands away from him, ‘You’re gonna be fine’

‘But what if—’, PP couldn’t finish his sentence as a paddle was thrusted in his hands as well as a float to which he looked down on both objects as if it was foreign. Billkin on the other hand didn’t bother asking any questions as he put on the float, placing his paddle on the bench behind him as he adjusted the straps around himself. Everyone else was already being instructed into the kayak before being pushed into he lake, being told to run three laps around the lake and back before lunch.

If he had to admit, he was actually pretty excited with the idea of kayaking since he’d never tried it before and honestly it didn’t look hard, but when he turned around his realised his partner might not be as excited as him as he saw PP still holding onto the float.

‘Come here’, he rolled his eyes and beckoned him over, grabbing the paddle from his hands and placing it beside his on the bench. He put the float on PP, adjusting the straps for him as they waited at the back of the line, being the last pair to walk to the pier and placed inside the small fucking kayak which gave them no leg room whatsoever.

‘Use your balance and make sure to communicate. The kayak can easily tip but if you keep paddling in the same direction, you should be fine’, they listened to P’Pond give them most basic instruction before kicking the end of their boat towards the lake.

‘They didn’t even ask me if I can swim’, PP whispered, his legs shaking as he brought his knees up, turning back to realise how far they had already gone from the pier.

‘That’s why they gave you a float’, Billkin reminded him once more, sitting at the front and paddling their kayak with ease. The water was heavy but calm, allowing them to easily float along with the ducks who mindlessly carried on with their business. Now why the hell are we going slow compared to the rest?’, he asked, and his question was answered immediately when he turned around to find that PP’s paddle hadn’t even touched the water yet, resting on his knees as he kept on looking around nervously. He couldn’t help but sigh, stopping the boat as he waited for PP to calm down – but that day may never come by the looks of it.

‘PP we’re not gonna get out of here if you don’t help me paddle. The sooner we get this stupid shit done, the sooner you’ll get off the damn thing, alright?’, he wasn’t the best motivational speaker in the world, but his frustrated tone was enough to snap PP back to reality, nodding his head and carefully placing the paddle in the water, waiting for Billkin for further instructions.

‘Now what?’

‘Now paddle in the same direction as me’, he instructed, the boat finally moving a little faster as they both synchronised. It was calming at first, the morning breeze waking them up, the smell of wet wood passing them by and the sounds of ducks filling in the silence. It was definitely different than the usual bustling noise of the city. Billkin didn’t know which one he preferred but he could definitely get used to the quiet.

But then again, life isn’t usually quiet for more than five seconds. He felt their kayak tilting, which didn’t freak him out but little miss can’t swim may have been triggered as he stopped paddling, his muscles frozen as he dropped his paddle and gripped the edges of the boat.

‘PP no!’, Billkin shouted at him, but it was too late, the morning breeze had once again tilted their kayak and without his hold, PP’s paddle fell from his knees and onto the lake, ‘Quickly, grab it! Grab it!’, he shouted at PP.

They were in a lake so he didn’t know where the fucking current was coming from but by the time PP had stopped freaking out enough for him to reach his hand out, the paddle was already too far from their reach, leaving them one paddle down and stranded in the middle of the lake.

‘For fuck’s sake’, Billkin groaned, leaning his head back as he noticed the other boats turning smaller the further they went. They were being left behind and at this point they won’t make it back in time, ‘I’ll just have to stir us towards the paddle’, he whispered a plan to himself, turning back to see the paddle floating towards a duck’s nest.

‘Can’t we just call for help? They can send a rescue boat’

‘PP we can literally still see the pier from here, we’ll be fine’, Billkin rolled his eyes, ignoring PP as he manoeuvred the kayak to turn, using all his strength as he pushed his paddle.

‘Billkin…’

‘It’s fine, just quickly grab it’, he ordered PP once they got closer to the other paddle, but the former wasn’t moving, ‘PP come on’

‘What if the ducks bite me?’, PP pointed at the duck nest which floated in the middle of the lake, huddling together.

‘They’re not’, Billkin reassured him, but it wasn’t enough for PP who kept his hands inside the boat, making the former groan as he gave up, placing his own paddle on his knees as he stretched his arm out to retrieve it instead.

‘Billkin, be careful!’, PP warned him, subconsciously resting his hand on Billkin’s waist as he leaned closer to the edge, his fingers almost touching the paddle, ‘Billkin’, PP kept on saying his name, holding onto him whilst he watched his hand draw closer to the duck’s nest. They had already started to stir awake, ‘The ducks might attack, just pull back’, he kept on saying over and over again but the bastard won’t listen.

Which was probably why the next thing anyone heard was a loud screaming following by Billkin slapping a duck away from pecking his hand again.

‘Billkin!’

‘Son of a bitch!’, he shouted, pulling himself back in a hurry, which only tipped the boat to the side, pushing the pair into the water as it flipped upside down.

‘Billkin!’, PP shouted again, this time his voice just as loud as Billkin’s screech earlier, a team of ducks flapping their wings and flying pass them.

‘Fuck!’, Billkin shouted, trying to avoid the stampede of wings which pushed and pulled at him, loud squawking noises as well as the freezing cold water engulfing his entire body.

‘Billkin!’

‘For fuck’s sake!’, he shouted, wiping the water from his eyes, finally gaining his vision when the ducks had stopped flocking them, flying to the skies, leaving him with PP who was flapping his arms around as if he was drowning, ‘PP, calm the fuck down you’re not drowning!’, he couldn’t believe he had to remind PP he wasn’t going to die, splashing water at him to stop him from screaming, ‘See, you’re fine’, he poked at PP’s float, laughing at him when he finally stopped screaming, spitting out the water that got in his mouth as he nervously looking around, seeing their kayak flipped upside down next to them.

‘What the hell are we gonna do?’, PP whined, combing back his wet hair which stuck to his forehead.

‘I guess we’ll just have to swim back’

‘I can’t swim’

‘You’re floating’, Billkin pointed out, reaching out to grab his hand, ‘All you need to do is push your legs and arms like this’, he showed PP how to swim, pulling him along as they attempt to go back to the pier. He was surprised no supervisor had noticed them or their boat yet, but at this point he realised they probably didn’t care what the fuck happens to them as long as they get these activities done.

PP tried to imitate him, but he was a splashing mess. Billkin wanted to laugh, but water was getting stuck in his eyes again so he forced PP to stop, holding both his hands and guiding it around his neck.

‘Just hold onto me’, he told him, ‘I’ll do the fucking swimming’

PP, too scared to try again, followed Billkin’s orders, wrapped his arms around his neck as held on tight, Billkin swimming to the edge and dragging him along until they felt the roughness of the muddied ground underneath the water.

Billkin collapsed on the ground, breathing heavily after having to drag PP with him, looking up at the clouds in the skies before closing his eyes, ‘You really need to learn how to swim’, he called out to PP who was sitting down beside him, taking off his float and throwing it back in the lake in frustration.

‘What the hell are you two doing here?!’, they turned around and saw P’Pond walking towards them, hands on her hips and eyes like a hawk, ‘What the fuck happened to your kayak?’

* * *

‘What a bunch of idiots’, Off laughed as they snuck back to the willow tree after dinner, laughing when Billkin explained what happened. Gun and Off were sharing a cigarette whilst they laughed at him, ‘You really dragged him out of the lake?’

‘What else could I have done?’, Billkin asked, leaning against the bark and sitting on the dirt, letting his short stain in mud, ‘I couldn’t leave him in the middle of the lake’

‘I heard their forcing us to go on a forest trail’, Gun pointed out after he heard their supervisor talking to her assistant whilst he left the canteen, ‘I’m gonna skip it’

‘How?’, Billkin turned to look at him, ‘They do a registry check’

‘They’ll leave us alone in the middle of the forest. I’ll just go back to the cabin and wait till dinner. They won’t know who finished the trail and who didn’t’

‘Fair enough’, he nodded.

* * *

‘Have you been smoking?’, Billkin slammed the door shut from his cabin once he arrived back at his cabin. He turned to find PP sitting on the floor flooding his clothes and he quickly shushed him, looking out of the window to check if P’Pond was around.

‘Can you still smell it?’, Billkin asked, lifting his shirt up and sniffing it a little, smelling something bitter.

‘You know you shouldn’t smoke’, PP pointed out, watching Billkin take off his shirt, throwing it on the bed as he rushed to grab another one from his drawer, ‘It’s bad for you’

‘I wasn’t smoking’, Billkin admitted, ‘I was hanging out with Off and Gun’

‘Well, they shouldn’t smoke either’

‘You try telling them that’, he joked, putting on a shirt and realising that the sun was still out. He remembered how Off and Gun both laughed when he told the story of the kayaking incident and even though he found it funny too, he couldn’t help but feel sorry for PP. He knew P’Pond won’t be here for another couple of hours to drop off the hot water, so he walked over between their beds, grabbing PP up by the wrist.

‘What’re you doing?’

‘Come on, let’s go’

‘Go where?’, he asked, dropping the shirt he was busy folding, ‘Billkin, where-’

‘Back to the lake’, Billkin finally replied, using all his force to open the door as they rushed out into the forest before the sun had set.

‘Why?’, PP asked, whining as he tried to pull back, but Billkin was stronger, the pair running together whilst holding hands until they reached the lake, both breathless.

‘I’m gonna teach you how to swim’, Billkin finally said, grinning from ear to ear as he pushed PP, water splashing around them.

‘Billkin, no!’

‘Come on, we’re only at knees length, don’t be scared’, he grabbed PP’s hands again, dragging him deeper into the lake until they were waist deep, but that was when PP used all of his strength to push Billkin, tugging his hand back.

‘Do you want me to drown?!’, he shouted, frustrated that Billkin wasn’t letting him talk.

‘I’m right here’, Billkin pointed out, ‘You trusted me earlier, why not now?’

‘I don’t have a float’

‘You’ll be fine’, Billkin said to him again, ‘Look, I won’t let you go, I promise’, he swam a little further out until the water rose up to his neck, making PP nervous as he looked ahead at him, but he turned back to look at the land too, wondering whether to back out, ‘You’re not gonna learn if you don’t try’

He didn’t know why he was adamant on teaching PP. They’ve only known each other for forty eight hours but without his phone, Billkin had no choice but to be in PP’s company. And for PP?

‘You promise you won’t let me go?’, PP called out to him, slowly giving in when he saw Billkin rush his hand out for him to talk, ‘If you do I’m gonna kill you’

‘Oh, come here already’, Billkin laughed, splashing in the water as he slowly dragged PP with him. He made sure that their feet could still touch the ground, something solid for PP to stand on in case he got nervous.

‘How do I swim?’, PP asked, gripping on Billkin’s hands and only making him laugh by how nervous he got.

‘I’m gonna lift you up. Don’t worry, your feet can still touch the ground but I’m gonna teach you how to float, okay?’, Billkin was firm on his words, making sure that PP understood everything as he wrapped his arms around him, asking if he was okay.

PP left Billkin lift him up, his arms strong around him and within seconds, he was looking up at the sky, bright oranges hues mixed with dark blue, clouds painted everywhere. His hair had gotten wet, water touching his cheeks, but his body felt light. He didn’t feel his chest tighten and for a moment, he didn’t feel Billkin’s arms let go of his waist.

Was it really that easy?

‘There you go’, Billkin smiled at him, pushing his body up and floating beside PP, their cheeks almost touching as the waters danced with them. Their bodies floated above the water, yet there was a calmness when Billkin heard PP humming softly, a song he didn’t recognise. He watched as the latter brush his hands against the water, smiling to himself, ‘I told you it won’t be hard’

PP wasn’t swimming, but it was good enough for someone who nearly freaked out earlier of drowning. He wasn’t scared of swimming per say, nor was he scared of the water, he just hasn’t met someone who was patient enough to teach him something he couldn’t do himself. All his life he had always managed to teach himself everything, maths, Chinese, cycling, poetry, but this was different.

‘I thought I was gonna hate this summer’, PP confessed after he stopped humming, ‘I thought this would be my hell’

‘Me too’, Billkin admitted, ‘Although it still sucks, it sucks a little less’

‘Because of Gun and Off?’

‘Yeah’, Billkin nodded, ‘But also because of you’

‘Really?’

‘Well, I could have a worse roommate’, he laughed, splashing water at PP’s face, ‘Thank god it’s you’

PP smiled back, splashing water back until he felt Billkin fighting back, grabbing his waist and pulling him down, making him laugh and screech once his feet touched the ground again, his hands splashing water back at Billkin until they were a soaking mess.

* * *

‘Where are we going?’, PP asked the next morning when Billkin forced him to skip dinner, dragging him deeper into the he forest until they spotted the big willow tree.

‘This is where I hang out with Gun and Off’, he pointed out, brushing pass the willow branches, ‘They’re usually here every morning too’

‘Is that where you guys run off to?’, PP furrowed his brow, crossing his arm as he watched Billkin sit on the ground, tugging at the grass underneath him.

‘It’s easier to run away than to have to listen everything that wasn’t meant to be for you’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I don’t deserve to be here’, Billkin simply stated, ‘And neither to do you’, he pointed at PP who looked down on him.

PP decided to sit down next to him, leaning against the tree.

‘We’re forced to listen about kindness, positivity and being a good citizen to our society but those aren’t meant for us and you know that’

‘Yes it is meant for us’, PP sighed, leaning his chin on his knees, ‘They think what we did was wrong’

‘But it wasn’t’

‘Well, it is in their eyes’, PP shrugged, ‘So we might as well just get it over and done with and finish this summer anyway’

‘You’re not that by the way’, Billkin pointed out, making PP turn to face him with a questioning look.

‘Like what?’

‘Like what that guy called you’, Billkin replied, ‘You’re pretty cool’

‘Thanks’, he laughed, ‘But do you even know me?’

‘For forty eight hours’, Billkin pointed, ‘Plus another four weeks’

‘Hoy! Billkin! You’re here already?!’, they got distracted by someone shouting, both of them turning their gaze to where Off was, with a jacket a little too suspiciously bulky.

‘What the hell?’, Billkin shouted at him, laughing when he tripped over and a bag of chips fell out of his jacket.

‘We stole a few things from the kitchen’, Gun called out to them, laughing as he picked up the food from the floor.

‘How?’, Billkin laughed, standing up and wiping his shorts as he headed to where Off was. He watched the boy unzip his jacket and show him another handful of chips and candy, Billkin dipping his hands in and grabbing a packet of Haribos and throwing it to PP.

‘We just snuck in the storage room. It wasn’t too hard’, Gun explained to them, joining PP on the ground by the tree, passing him a coke bottle he stole.

‘Aren’t we supposed to be using this summer for enlightenment and repentance?’, PP told them, but he grabbed the coke anyway, hearing them laugh at him as they sat around with him.

‘Repentance my ass’, Gun laughed, the cut on his lip slightly faded and the bruises on his knuckles less evident. It wasn’t long until they found a comfortable peace within each other, joking about the other teenagers, laughing about their supervisors and complaining about their cabin and their lack of plumbing.

It was unusual for Billkin to get along with a person in this short amount of time let alone with three. What a surprising summer it was, something he didn’t expect but he welcomed it anyway.

* * *

Days turned into nights rather quickly over the summer. Billkin woke up every morning running out of his cabin needing to pee, Gun would sneak into the staff kitchen so he could wash his face with warm water and a running tap. Off ran out of cigarettes and had a bit of an attitude as he kicked the bark off the willow tree until he left a mark on it.

It was a routine that slowly build up over the summer, PP laughing as he leaned against the window, watching Billkin whine as he tried to open the shack door with in nothing but shorts and a ruffled bed hair.

They also managed to sneak out in the middle of the night, marking every tree with a red ribbon so they could find their way back to their cabin, PP dragging Billkin to swim with him in the middle of the night.

He still didn’t know how to swim properly, but he could float, and that’s all he wanted to do when he was with Billkin, feel the cool water against his cheeks and listen to him hum a song he didn’t recognise.

‘I didn’t know Off was rich’, PP pointed out, recalling the time they were speaking and they found out Off’s surname which was also the name of a well known manufacturing company.

‘Neither did I’, Billkin laughed, ‘But then again… I didn’t know his full name until today’

‘That’s so weird right? I don’t think I know your name either’

‘You don’t need to’, Billkin shook his head, ‘I like how it is now. You’re just PP and I’m just Billkin’

‘Don’t you wanna know if I’m an Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn?’

‘No’, Billkin shook his head again, ‘We’ve only got a two more weeks till this blasted summer end and I kinda like the idea of anonymity’

‘Huh?’, PP turned to look at Billkin, seeing the flashes of the setting sun hitting the water which shimmered between them like glitter, ‘What are you talking about?’

‘Well, Gun sorta gave me an idea. What if we never find out about each other and we just spend the rest of the summer doing whatever we want together and then when it’s over we part ways’

‘You mean you don’t wanna keep in touch?’

‘I mean… Wouldn’t it be much better if we just spend whatever time we have together like this? You wouldn’t wanna ruin it by stupid FaceTime conversations and unread messages’

‘I don’t have an iPhone’

‘Even worse’, Billkin chuckled, splashing a bit of water on PP, the latter squinting his eyes and spitting it out, only for him to reach his hand out and wipe the drops of water from his cheeks, his fingers grazing against his reddening cheeks.

Billkin found PP ugly. But then he realised he didn’t. He found him intriguing since the first day. He was always patient with him because he found something different with PP, something interesting.

‘You’re not ugly’, he accidentally whispered, PP scrunching his nose at him.

‘What?’

‘Nothing. Just nothing’

* * *

‘Wanna bet that Billkin’s head over heels for PP?’, Gun asked Off as they waited in the canteen for the pair, looking around to see that the rest of the teenagers were getting along much better over the last couple of days. The last fight was a week ago and it was over some stolen sausage.

‘I say it’s the other way round’, Off replied, stabbing a fork on Gun’s chicken nugget and taking a bite, ‘PP follows him everywhere he goes’

‘Hmm’, Gun nodded, also noticing it. He stretched over and took a bite of Off’s pork, thinking about the two friends he made over the summer. They were different from him in every way possible, but he didn’t mind it. He just didn’t want them to know him too well because once they do, they’d finally realise how annoying he was. The summer was a break away from his life and to drag them back with him would be torture. Which was why he suggested never to stay in contact with anyone, even his roommate who he was slowly getting fond with.

‘So, are you not gonna give me your number once summer’s over?, Off asked, bringing the topic back to them. There was a change of tension between them, one where all Gun wanted to do was take a step back, because he wanted to admire Off from a distance, but all the other wanted to do was take a step forward, because he didn’t just want to admire Gun.

‘It’s better if you don’t know anything about me’, Gun pointed out, ‘Plus, I hate guys like you remember?’

‘Right’, Off chuckled, ‘The rich guy isn’t going to be melting your heart any time soon’

‘No, Off Jumpol, you won’t be’

‘How comes you’re allowed to know my name and not me?’

‘I don’t want you to find me after this’, Gun answered truthfully, even though he secretly wanted to, ‘You won’t like me anymore once you do’

‘I beg to differ’

‘No. No you won’t’

* * *

‘Okay, but we need to at least learn one more thing about each other’, PP whined when he listened to the group agree on not keeping in touch with each other after the summer. He thought Off was going to side with him, but with three votes against one, he had no choice but to agree to.

‘You guys already know three things about me’, Off replied, sitting back on the ground and sipping his stolen soda.

‘Only two things’, PP corrected him, ‘You’re name’s Off Jumpol and you’re filthy rich’

‘And I set fire to my best friend’s house’, Off added on to which Gun and PP looked at him with round wide eyes, like owls in the middle of the night.

‘Oh yeah’, Billkin nodded his head, remembering his first conversation with Off, ‘Your best friend was the one who cheated with your boyfriend?’, he asked, because that part he didn’t know and when Off nodded the three laughed. Not particularly at him but at the idea of Off trying to set something on fire. He was so gentle, they couldn’t even begin to imagine.

‘Okay, and how about you Gun?’, PP turned to the shorter boy, watching him pick up a couple of rocks, letting it rest on his hand as he threw them one by one into the lake, letting it bounce off the water in cool fashion, ‘Three things about you. It doesn’t have to be your name’

‘Well, let’s see’, he sighed, looking out into the lake and skipping rocks again, ‘I help my dad at his shop. He’s a mechanic and I’m planning to take over once he retired’

‘So you’re not going to college next year?’, Billkin asked him to which Gun snorted and rolled his eyes as if that was the most absurd assumption he could make.

‘No way’, Gun shook his head, ‘I wanna help by dad out so once I finish Senior year, I’ll be working for him’

‘Okay, so you work in a repairs shop and you’re not going to college’, PP nodded, ‘And your last fact?’

‘My last?’, Gun whispered, turning to steal a glance at Off who was looking straight at him too, his eyes lingering a little longer before they both broke it off. He coughed a little before picking up more rocks, ‘My favourite song is how deep is your love’

‘How deep is your love?’

‘By Bee Gees?’

‘Yeah’, Gun smiled, ‘That one. My mum used to sing it to me every night’

‘Now how about you?’, PP turned to Billkin, watching him lean his head against Off’s shoulder, tugging at the grass beneath them whilst he thought. He wasn’t an interesting person nor did he think he’d have anything unique to say.

‘I’m planning to go to college’, He told them, ‘Although I can’t tell you where because you might follow me, but I already have my eyes on one’

‘What’s your major?’, Off asked.

‘Business and Marketing’

‘Eew’, Gun scrunched his nose in disgust, ‘You’re going to pay thousands just to take boring classes?’

‘How about you? What would you take if you were going college?’

‘I already told three things about me’

‘Well, you’re not going college anyway so it’s not technically a fact’, Off pointed out, to which Gun gave him the middle finger when he knew he had no other choice but to answer.

‘I mean, liberal arts seems kinda cool’

‘Oh, so you’re a writer?’, Off smiled, picking out dandelions from the ground and tying it together, creating a chain as he looked out at Gun, ‘I thought you were’

‘What do you mean?’

‘It just looks like you have a lot to say’

Both PP and Billkin looked at the pair suspiciously before turning their gaze to each other, mischievous grins on their faces when they noticed how shy Gun started to act when Off was talking to him.

‘I think it’s time for PP and I to head back to the cabin. P’Pond’s probably dropped off our hot water and I don’t want it getting cold again’, Billkin stood up, patting his shorts as he beckoned PP to follow him out, the two boys giggling like kids as they turned back to wink at Off who gave them the middle finger, leaving the pair alone beside the willow tree.

‘They’re so in love with each other’, Billkin whispered to PP who laughed and nodded his head, the two pushing each other playfully whilst they headed back to their cabin, joking about nothing and everything.

* * *

‘You know, you never told me three facts about you’, Billkin asked as soon as PP came back from the shack with damp hair and a towel wrapped around his waist. The night had settled in, leaving them with nothing but the light from the flickering gas lamp to illuminate their room. He watched as PP got dressed in front of him, combing his wet hair as he got ready for bed.

‘You never finished yours either’, PP pointed out, ‘You only told me you’re going to college’

‘And that I’ll be majoring in business’, he added on the last bit, ‘That counts as two’

‘So what’s your last one?’

‘I like flowers’, he said which made him laugh, especially when PP looked at him with a raised brow, questioning the random fact he decided to pick.

‘What type of flower?’

‘Any type. They all look beautiful to me’, Billkin shrugged, jumping on his bed and wrapping the blankets around him as he got ready for bed, ‘I have a hibiscus flower growing back home actually… I sure hope my parents remembered to water them’, he whispered the last bit curiously, finally remembering the flower he left behind on his window sill.

PP chuckled at him, throwing his towel on the chair as he got ready for bed too. They both laid on their backs, looking at the ceiling as they watched their shadows flickered on the walls due to the gas lamp.

‘How about you? What’s your three facts?’

‘I hate the rain’, PP told him straight away, ‘I hate getting soaked so I avoid it when I can’

‘You and water man’, Billkin shook his head in amusement, turning to steal a glance at PP, ‘You really hate it don’t you?’

‘I do’, PP nodded, ‘And I also hate chocolate ice cream’

‘What?’, Billkin gasped, ‘But that’s the number one ice cream! That’s top of everyone’s list!’

‘Not for me. It’s too overrated’

‘See, this is why we can’t be friends’, he joked at him, grabbing one of his pillows and throwing it at PP who whined at the sudden force, but laughed at the end with Billkin.

Billkin found it interesting that the more he got to know PP, the more he liked him. It was interesting indeed, because he never felt like this before, not with a guy anyway. His stomach was churning and he couldn’t stop himself from smiling.

‘And your last fact?’

‘Krit’

‘What?’

‘That’s my name. PP Krit’

‘Didn’t we agree we won’t keep in touch?’

‘No, you agreed to that’, PP corrected him, ‘I didn’t. So, if you ever feel bored and wanna find me, my name’s PP Krit’

‘Krit’, Billkin said for the first time, letting it hang in the air as he whispered his name again, ‘It suits you’

‘Thanks. I’m glad my name suits me’

‘Mhhm’, this was probably the time he’d go to sleep and wake up to another day of tedious activities, but he couldn’t seem to fall asleep. Two more weeks, that’s all the time they had together, all four of him and for a moment he wondered whether it was enough for him.

‘Are you gonna turn off the lights?’, PP called out to him.

‘No. Not yet’, Billkin said, standing up from his bed and throwing his blanket down on the ground. There was a gap between the two beds, an invisible boundary none dared to cross, but Billkin didn’t bother. Instead he pushed his bed, the squeak of metal against mood as he pressed the edge of his bed against PP’s.

‘What’re you doing?’, PP asked, sitting up on his bed, the gas lamp illuminating Billkin’s shadows which danced around the cabin as he grabbed his blanket back from the floor, laying down again.

He only moved his bed a couple of inches but it felt different already. He looked up at a different ceiling, even the warmth of his bed was different. He stretched his leg out, crossing over the crevice between the two beds.

PP didn’t say anything because Billkin didn’t. He laid back down, this time closer to Billkin, silence looming over them like an old friend, comfortable.

He felt Billkin’s foot touching his, playfully kicking as they mastered playing with no words, just soft chuckles.

I like you.

That was the third fact PP wanted to tell him, but he changed his mind quickly. Gun was right. Maybe words left unspoken gave more meaning to whatever he was feeling now. To him, silence was much more comfortable.

_I like you._

Three words, his third fact.

* * *

‘I wanna kiss you’

‘Huh?’

‘Can I?’

‘Okay’


	3. Part III; the winds brought you back to me.

**_Part III; the winds brought you back to me_ **

**_Now Playing: watch – Billie Eilish (0.12)_ **

**_Autumn; 2020_ **

‘Billkin!’

The start of the semester began with a blaze of celebration as friends reunited for the first time since summer break, laughter and howls of loud cheers as they ran to each other on the field.

‘Where the hell have you been?! We’ve been looking everywhere for you!’, Alrissa slapped his arm as soon as Billkin made it to them.

‘I was talking to my professor’, Billkin explained himself, throwing his bag on the floor as he sat on the grass with them, ‘How about you guys? My timetable looks like shit this year’

‘Same’, Oab whined, resting his head against his girlfriend’s shoulder, ‘I have three 9 am lectures three days in a fucking row’

‘Shit, me too’, Billkin whined, tugging at the grass beneath him, ‘I talked to my professor to be moved to the afternoon class but apparently that was filled up’

‘Just wake up early and stop partying’, James joined in, interrupting their conversation as he threw himself on the grass, laying on his back and kicking Oab in the process.

Billkin had started his second year of college and he still wasn’t used to his friends’ antics, always so loud and overbearing but he loved it anyway. It reminded him of sunny skies and cold lakes for some odd reason.

A lot has changed since his parents’ picked him up from the dreadful summer camp. They finally gave him his phone back and once they made it to the freeway he had enough signal to check his messages which was bombarded with his friends asking him where he’d fucked off too, one by one his phone started beeping, giving him the likes on his photos, showing the comments of his posts an reminding him of missed calls.

He didn’t know how much he’d missed until he got home and by that point his life had taken him by the ankle, throwing him back to the waves as he caught up with his friends, prepared for his college entrance exam and even signed up for student council during his last year of high school.

His memories over the summer became hazed, bottled up in a time capsule which he never opened again. Not because he wanted to. Well, that was a lie. He didn’t want to open it. It was too perfect. It was a perfectly wrapped Christmas present that he wanted to keep on his mantelpiece forever. He didn’t want to tear the wrapping paper, but just like everything else, his perfect present started to be covered in dust.

‘Hey, I heard the table tennis match is next week’, Oab pointed out, kicking Billkin and James who were part of the team, ‘Who’re you up against?’

‘Chang Mai University’, they both said simultaneously.

‘And we’re gonna crush them’, James smirked, his arrogance oozing out as he stretched his hands up to high-five Billkin. It was always like that whenever he was paired up with Billkin during a tournament. They caused a storm whenever they were together, their winning streaks broke records and even their coach had asked them to play professionally.

‘You only play well when you’re with Billkin’, Alrissa joked, raising a playful brow as she poked James’s arm, ‘Is he your muse or something?’

‘Nah, he’s my partner’, James grinned goofily, leaning his arm against his shoulder. It was a joke between them, Billkin and James. He went along with it, but he never gave any indication that he liked him like that. He couldn’t remember liking anyone the way Oab liked Alrissa or the way he saw campus couples showing off as they held hands and ate lunch together. It was a feeling he hadn’t been exposed to in a while.

‘Come on, classes are about to begin. We don’t wanna be late to our first lecture of the year’, Alrissa, being the mother of the group, looked down on her phone and stood up, wiping the grass from her skirt and grabbing her bag. Oab immediately followed along, holding her hands as they began to walk to the business department.

‘You coming?’, they called out when they realised Billkin was still sitting on the grass.

‘In a minute. I need to get something from my locker’, he shouted to them, waving his hand to tell them to leave without him.

Unlike them, Billkin walked the other way, heading towards the lockers by the hall. He noticed first year students rushing, looking down at their maps with confused glances much like how he acted last year. He brushed pass them, looking down at his phone when he felt a strong gush of wind blowing from behind him, the Autumn breeze welcoming itself as it brushed the heat of the summer to the side. His backpack was almost blown off his shoulder.

‘Shit!’

Billkin almost tripped over a bunch of books which fell due to the sudden rush of wind, thick textbooks landing with a thump and he couldn’t help but kneel his hand against the edge of the wall in hopes not to fall on his face.

‘God, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean for that to happen!’, he heard the voice anxiously shouting at him trails of apology.

He would’ve laughed it off, but his body froze. He looked down on the floor and saw the books but that wasn’t what surprised him. It was the voice. He recognised it.

Billkin finally took the courage to look up and for a sweet moment he thought he saw the shadows of the willow branches on his face and the smell of burnt wood.

‘PP?’

God. He hadn’t said that name in years, but it rolled off his tongue so easily, as if it had always been there, waiting to be said by him.

‘Billkin?’, PP, with the same amount of shock in his voice, also looked up at the boy he accidentally tripped over, the sudden rush of the wind finding itself in his chest, making his heart beat faster, ‘Is that really you?’

_Can I kiss you?_

Billkin left the summer camp with swollen lips and a swollen heart that he just managed to suppress back to its normal size. But with just one look, he realised… What happened under the sky can’t truly be erased.

‘What’re you doing here?’

‘I’m an exchange student’, PP replied, ‘I’m taking international law here for a semester’

‘I didn’t know you majored in law’, Billkin pointed out, but then again, he didn’t know much about PP other than his name… That’s right, his name… What was it again?

‘Yeah, I never thought I would either’, PP laughed at his reply, scratching the back of his head. The halls were nearly empty, their clocks ticking and that’s when they both noticed PP’s books were still on the floor.

‘Let me get that for you’, Billkin knelt down on the floor, picking up the heavy textbooks.

‘Thanks’, PP knelt down with him, taking the books from his hands and shyly looking down at their shoes which were the same, ‘So, do you major in business like you said you would?’

‘Yepp’, Billkin nodded, smiling to himself, ‘Got myself scholarship too’

‘I didn’t know you were smart’, PP replied, ‘I always thought you only beat up bullies at school’

‘Well, the library is the only place bullies don’t go so I tend to be there most of the time’, it was odd. Their three fact rule had been dismantled and within the space of five minutes they knew more about each other than they ever did during the summer.

‘I better go. I don’t wanna be late on my first lecture’, PP said to him as soon as they stood up, now only the two of them in the halls with nothing but the wind singing with the branches to end the awkward silence which entered between them.

‘Yeah. Okay’, Billkin nodded, ‘It was nice seeing you’

‘You too’

The halls seemed to narrow between them, Billkin watching PP walk the other way, carrying heavy books on his arms as he made a turn and disappeared from his view once more.

* * *

‘I saw PP today’

‘Who?’

‘PP, my old fucking roommate you dick’, Billkin threw a crumpled tissue on the boy sitting opposite him in a restaurant after his classes.

‘Oh, the cute boy that liked you?’

‘He didn’t like me’, Billkin scoffed, but his voice was low and barely a whisper, drinking his beer as they waited for their meal. He looked at the boy sitting in front of him, wearing a similar uniform as him, his hair curled and parted in the middle, his skin still fair and face still handsome.

He didn’t mean to keep in contact with Off. But it was hard not to when all he heard during first year was his name being passed around. The rich boy in the liberal arts department.

Billkin almost choked on his drink when he found what the rich boy they were talking about was Off and instead of avoiding him like they promised each other, he left the business department, running all the way to the other side of the campus until he found himself standing in front of a tall building, scanning the crowds to look for him.

They didn’t know they’d attend the same college but once they did they decided to break their summer promise.

‘I almost forgot about him’, Off pointed out, ‘But he was fun. Why didn’t you ask him to join us for dinner?’

‘He left before I could ask for his number’, Billkin explained, ‘And plus… We made a promise. I think he wants to keep it’

‘He doesn’t wanna catch up?’, Off raised his brow in shock, ‘Wasn’t he the one who didn’t even wanna make the promise?’

‘Well, two years is a long time. I mean look at you and me’, Billkin laughed at his last statement, ‘You have a boyfriend who doesn’t cheat on you and I don’t beat up people for fun anymore’

‘Right’, Off laughed, snickering at Billkin, his only friend from the business department.

‘How’s First by the way?’, he asked. Despite attending in the same college, they barely got to hang it due to different timetables and circle of friends, so the nights they found time for each other, they would spend hours just catching up on each other, dragging each other deep into their lives until Off knew more than three things about Billkin.

‘He’s doing well. We haven’t seen each other all summer though’

‘Woah, why?’

‘He went to Japan to visit his parents’

‘You didn’t even call him?’

‘I wanted to give him space’

‘Space?’, Billkin asked, ‘Why?’, he didn’t get an answer, just a look that Off gave him when he was uncertain about something. He had known it well enough and what it might indicate, ‘You’re gonna break up with him aren’t you?’

‘I just don’t feel it anymore’, Off shook his head. They’ve been dating since first year and Billkin thought that they were a couple that would last all through out college, but he guessed he was wrong.

‘So you’re just gonna break up with him?’

‘I don’t love him anymore’

‘Yikes. That’s harsh’, Billkin whispered, but what else was there for him to say? He’d been single all his life so giving advice to Off was useless, so he kept quiet as the food was brought to their table, the pair digging into their meals.

At least Off was truthful, he could give him that. He respected First enough not to string him along with empty feelings and broken strings.

‘You know, now that I’m thinking about it, I think I remembered seeing something on the last day of summer camp’, Off stopped eating as he smirked towards Billkin.

‘What?’

‘The willow tree’, Off reminded him of their hiding spot, the small place they found for themselves to get away from loud supervisors, ‘You and PP were there before the finishing assembly started’

‘Were we?’

‘Yeah. You kissed him’

Billkin spat out his food, chewed meat landing on the table as he coughed out in shock.

The last remnants of that summer was a blur to him, a dream he was too tired to remember, but when Off pointed it out, it was like the winds moved the willow branches out of the way, showing him two boys standing in front of which other, face edging closer and closer until soft lips touched for the first time.

‘I didn’t say anything cos I thought you two were gonna break your promise’, Off said to him after Billkin stopped coughing, drinking his beer and looking shamefully at Off.

‘We didn’t’

‘Yeah, I know that’

Billkin clenched his jaw, thinking about that day. It was uneventful. He remembered rushing around the cabin and packing all his clothes last minute, looking under the bed just in case he left anything behind. He laughed when PP realised most of his clothes shrank due to him hand washing it, the pair dragging their luggage out of the cabin and back to the main area where they shared a meal one last time.

He remembered Gun sneaking in the kitchen one last time, passing him chips and candy for the road. He remembered Off promising them that he’d quit smoking for good. It was all uneventful when he persuaded PP to sneak out during lunch one last time before they were herded to the hall for one last lecture.

It was uneventful, until it wasn’t.

The last day took a toll on him, his heart breaking at the seams as the waves crashed down at the fact that he was no longer going to see PP again. They had promised to let fate decide if they were meant to meet again, but knowing how that twisted bastard of a spirit worked, he knew his life will run parallel to PP, living so close but never meeting ever again.

‘You should invite him next time’, Off broke the silence, ‘Maybe he might’ve kept in touch with Gun’

‘Gun?’, he hadn’t heard that name in ages, but once he did he finally picked the pieces up together and watched Off’s expression change, ‘You’re not hung up on him, right?’

Off didn’t say anything. He just continued eating.

‘All this time? Really?’

* * *

Billkin didn’t listen to Off. He was in a different department so it was easy for him to avoid PP as he spent his time with his friends instead.

‘So, what’s the news between you and James?’, Oab asked, bumping his shoulder against Billkin as they arrived at the library. One by one the round table had been filled with his friends, joking and being told off by the librarian.

‘He’s practicing with Jaylerr at the moment’, Billkin replied nonchalantly, ‘I have an exam tomorrow so I’m skipping practice for today’

‘He should be finish with practice soon’, Alrissa pointed out, looking down at her phone, ‘Do you want me to text him and tell him to come here?’

‘I’m fine. I don’t need any more distractions’, Billkin shook his head as he put on his earphones, blocking the noise from his table as he began to make notes from his books, flipping through the pages and listening to soft music.

* * *

**_Summer; 2017_ **

‘God only knows what I’d be without you!’

PP probably didn’t think anyone was going to hear him as he locked the shack door and began to take a shower, shivering in between the times he poured a bowl of hot water above his head, singing a song to distract him from the discomfort.

Billkin ran out of the cabin to catch up with Off and Gun who were planning to skip the morning assembly but he stopped when he heard PP singing from the top of his lungs. He turned around to the shack, chuckling to himself as he stepped closer, leaning on one of the trees as he listened to PP finishing the song. He bit his lips to stop himself from laughing. He hid behind the tree, watching PP walk out in nothing but shorts and a towel resting on his shoulder, his hair still wet, trickles of water sliding down his back.

‘Wouldn’t it be nice if we were older! Then we wouldn’t have to wait so long!’, PP’s voice kept on cracking, but Billkin noticed that the boy didn’t care. He had his eyes closed, skipping along the mud and rocks, dancing by himself as he walked back to their cabin, probably knowing that he had gone off to meet with Off and Gun early in the morning like he usually does.

He chuckled to himself, grinning widely as he continued to watch his dance, swinging his hips as he kept on singing out of tune.

* * *

_‘I may not always love you, as long as there are stars above you, you’ll never need to doubt it…’,_ Billkin found himself humming to the song on repeat, rewriting his notes over and over again until he realised he wasn’t writing about social entrepreneurship but he was just rewriting the lyrics stuck in his head.

‘Huh’, he looked down and flipped through the pages, ripping it from his book and crumpling it up into a ball. He took off his earphones and started again, listening to nothing but the soft whispering of his friends and the footsteps of students walking pass them as he continued to writing.

Ink and highlighter was painted all over his hands before he stood up in search for a different textbook, walking pass the aisles of books.

It was during silence that they met again, Billkin walking pass an aisle only for him to stop as he looked through the cracks of the shelves, seeing PP on the other aisle, flipping through the pages of a book and leaning against the wall. He hadn’t spotted him yet, his eyes glancing down.

‘Hhhm, hmm, mhhm’, Billkin heard him humming a small tune whilst he continued reading, his hair pushed back. He was different. He wasn’t wearing old shirts and washed out denim shorts anymore, he was in his college uniform, his side bag hanging on his shoulder.

_‘Wouldn’t it be nice if we were older, then we wouldn’t have to wait so long’_

Billkin recognised the melody as soon as PP continuously hummed, smiling to himself when he remembered the song.

He sometimes wished he ran up to him that morning and dragged him out to dance. But he never did.

Billkin slowly walked over to the other aisle.

‘Hey’, he whispered, gaining PP’s attention who looked up from his book.

‘Hi’, he replied, closing the book and straightening up, ‘What’re you doing here?’

‘I’m revising for my exam tomorrow’, Billkin said, leaning against the shelf and looking at him, ‘You?’

‘Just getting used to the library’, PP replied, ‘It’s much bigger than my college’

‘So where do you live?’

‘My family moved to Chang Mai after I graduated. I applied to Chang Mai University and now here I am as an exchange student’

‘In Bangkok University?’, Billkin laughed, ‘Most people go abroad as an exchange student’

‘Well, your college has the best professors for my main modules, so I’d rather be here than anywhere else’

‘Who’d’ve thought you’d find me here’, Billkin whispered, crossing his arm and smiling at him.

‘Not me’, PP replied, ‘I thought you were going to find me’

‘What?’

‘I gave you my name and I thought you would come and look for me’, PP confessed, a sudden rush of unspoken feelings finally surfacing for a second as he looked at Billkin for longer than a moment.

‘We promised never to keep in contact’, Billkin reminded him, ‘That was our deal’

‘You agreed to that, I never did’, PP corrected him, ‘I gave you the permission to look for me. Why didn’t you?’

‘I…’, Billkin looked around, checking if there were anyone around, ‘I didn’t think you were being serious’

‘Serious?’, PP titled his head, ‘What makes you think I wasn’t serious?’

‘It was just summer’

_Just summer._

‘It was just summer’, PP repeated him, nodding at him before bursting into laughter, his voice echoing form the library and gaining some attention.

Billkin didn’t know what to say to him. His laughter was anything but cheerful, something bitter twisted in his voice as he continued to laugh.

‘Are you okay?’, he asked, he looked around, seeing people watching them and he couldn’t help but tap him on the shoulder, beckoning him to stop laughing, ‘PP-’

‘I gave you my first kiss’, PP interrupted him with a soft voice before he could continue talking.

‘Huh?’

‘You don’t remember that either?’

‘No. I mean, I do. I do, I remember… I just-’

‘I wouldn’t have given it to anyone else. But… I guess for you it was just one summer’

‘PP wait, I didn’t think you-’

‘Guys, can you keep it down? We’re in the library’, they were interrupted by the librarian who stepped over and shushed them.

PP took the chance to put back the book on the shelf, taking his bag and walking away, pushing pass Billkin and leaving the library.

* * *

‘He told me it was just for the summer! The fucking summer?! Goddammit!’, PP kicked the tyre of the bike, pacing back and forth in the shop he found during the first weekend he moved in Bangkok a few weeks ago. He didn’t think he was going to visit a repair shop but when he noticed someone walking out, his couldn’t help but gasp, running across the street and shouting after him.

‘So what? Wasn’t the deal to have one perfect summer and move on? You can’t be mad at him for upholding the promise’

‘That _you_ started’, PP pointed at him, ‘I never wanted it to be just for the summer’

‘Then you should’ve told him’, Gun replied to him, sitting on his stool and screwing the tyres to his bike, ‘I never forced you to agree. You could’ve broken it any time you wanted’

‘Then why did you wanna do it in the first place? Didn’t you want to keep in touch with us?’, PP asked, seeing his old friend he almost forgot about for two years. He looked different, his hair was still cut short but he had tattoos now, climbing up on his arm and even traces on his neck.

‘Look at me PP’, Gun laughed, throwing a cloth on his shoulder, his hands stained in black, ‘You and Billkin are studying in the most expensive college of the country. And don’t get me started on Off’, he scoffed at the last bit, he surprised himself by even remembering that name, ‘The three of you are going off and finding your place in the world. I don’t wanna take pity on myself but I’ll end up doing it if I stayed in touch with you guys’

‘What makes you think we were gonna judge you?’, PP titled his head, watching as Gun leaned back, wiping his hands from the dirt, ‘I punched the ministry of education’s son, Off set fire to his ex best friend’s house and Billkin… Well I forgot what he did but he must’ve done something shitty to end up in an enlightenment retreat’

Gun laughed at him, shaking his head as he stood up and walked over to the storage room.

‘It’s been three years and you still remembered that?’

‘How could I not? You were the first proper friends I made’, PP called out to him, leaning on one of the table, ‘You were the first people who didn’t find me weird’

‘That’s because you’re not’, Gun shouted back from the storage room, ‘Actually you talk too much nowadays than before’, he added on, noticing how comfortable PP was with him despite only reuniting a few weeks ago, visiting him almost everyday after classes, ‘Why’re you so talkative nowadays anyway?’

‘I just saw Billkin for the first time in two years and… Now I can’t stop thinking about him and I need someone to vent to and you’re the only friend I’ve made since I moved here’

‘Wow, you’re a hot mess’, Gun chuckled, but he found it entertaining. It seemed like even the quietest people can turn stupid in love, ‘Can’t you just talk to him? Maybe explain your feelings?’

‘Are you crazy?! Billkin’s gonna think I’m weird if I tell him I still have feelings for him when he only thought of me as a summer fling’

‘So you admitted that you still have feelings for him?’, Gun smirked at him, chaining PP to his words the the former looked at everything but him, his cheeks burning red.

‘I mean hypothetically’

‘Feelings can’t be hypothetical’, Gun replied, ‘You either like him or you don’t’

‘What if I’m in the middle?’, PP asked him, ‘What if I like the him during summer camp but not him now. I mean three years have passed, what if he has a boyfriend? What I’m not his type?’

‘That’s a lot of questions that I can’t answer’, Gun stopped him from carrying on, gripping his arm and shaking him, ‘So why don’t you go ask him instead?’

Him? Billkin? The boy who only thought about him for one summer? What answers could he simply get out fo him?

* * *

Billkin wiped the sweat off his forehead, breathing heavily as he walked beside James. They had just finished practice, packing up and getting ready for the tournament in two days.

‘We’re gonna be great’, James called out, packing his gym clothes as they finished getting changed back to their uniforms, the pair walking out of the locker room, ‘We’re gonna have our first win this semester’

‘Of course we are’, Billkin nudged his shoulder, ‘No one stands a chance against us’

Their friends were already waiting for them by the fields with their food on the grass, the sun hitting on their backs as they called out their names. Oab already bought them lunch, throwing him a bottle of coke.

‘What time’s your tournament?’, Alrissa asked, checking her phone, ‘I have a meeting with the student board at four’

‘It’s at six’, James replied to her, ‘And we’ll go out for tacos later’

‘Oh great, are you talking about that new Mexican place from down the road?’, Oab asked excitedly, the group already making plans to hang out after the match, but Billkin couldn’t focus. Not when he saw PP walking by the halls talking to someone.

He hadn’t spoken to him since the library incident and all he ever thought about was what PP told him.

‘Hold up, I need to talk to someone real quick’, Billkin said to his friends, standing up and running to the halls. He pushed through the crowds, tapping PP’s shoulder.

‘Billkin’, PP stopped smiling once he turned around and noticed Billkin, ‘What do you want?’

‘Can I talk to you?’

‘Why?’

‘I just wanna hang out’, Billkin said to him, forming a small and hopeful smile, ‘You know, just like old times’

‘I have classes’, PP replied to him, too fast not to be suspicious.

‘How about dinner?’

‘I need to study in the library’

‘Do you not wanna see Off again?’, Billkin used his last resort after he remembered what Off told him the other day, inviting PP over dinner in hopes for the boy to start talking to him again.

‘You kept in touch with Off?’, PP looked surprised, ‘Since when?’

‘I found out he went to the same college as me last year. But he’s in the liberal arts department’

‘So you’ve been hanging out with him all this time?’, PP tilted his head, ‘But didn’t you say we made a promise?’

‘Huh?’

‘You told me that you weren’t going to keep in touch with anyone but you kept in touch with Off?’

‘He’s literally Off Jumpol, it’s very hard to avoid him, his relatives practically owns this college’

‘You know what, I need to go’, PP stopped him, turning around and walking away from Billkin who just stood dumbfounded staring at him until he turned a corner and disappeared from his view. What the hell was that? He thought PP would be excited of meeting Off again, he didn’t think that would make him hate him even more? What the hell was going on?

* * *

‘Oh my God, Gun! Guess what?!’

‘Jesus Christ’, Gun flinched at the sudden shouts from PP as he slammed the shop door open, frustratingly throwing his bag on the floor, ‘What the hell do you want?’

‘Billkin’s been keeping in touch with Off!’

Gun dropped his pliers, the metal landing on the floor with a loud thud as he turned and stared at PP again.

‘What?’, he asked, not knowing if what he heard was correct.

‘Billkin came up to me and asked me to go dinner with him. When I said no he asked if I wanted to see Off again and he said he’s been hanging out with Off since first year college. First year! He’s been keeping in touch with Off for two years and I was only one summer? One summer?!’

‘Off’s here? All this time?’, Gun asked him. He wanted to pay attention to PP’s problems but all he could think about was the tall boy he spent summer with. The reason why he made the fucking promise in the first place because he knew he was weak and he’d probably run to Off if he knew where he was.

And now he does. He know he knew that Off was one drive away from him.

‘He majors in History’, PP added on, ‘Billkin told me he was in the liberal arts department so I searched around and I found out he studied History’

‘So he ended up choosing History huh?’, Gun whispered to himself and despite the shock of the news, he couldn’t help but smile, remembering their late night talks about the future. He was glad that one of them was able to do what they wanted.

‘Gun what do I do now?’, PP asked, bringing the topic back to them, ‘I mean I assumed that I was just a summer fling but now I know that I am’

‘No you don’t’, Gun replied, picking up the pliers from the floor and throwing it on his tool box, ‘Like you said, him and Off ended up in the same college and that was just coincidence. You can’t blame him for keeping in touch when the world put them in the same place again. I mean look at you and me, you’re practically leeching here all night the moment you saw me again, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t wanna keep in contact with Off or Billkin’

PP crossed his arms and pouted like a kid after listening to Gun, looking down on the floor and kicking his feet.

‘Billkin asked you to dinner. If I didn’t know any better, maybe he was asking you out on a date’

‘With Off?’, PP scoffed, ‘He just wanted to hang out like old times’

‘And what the hell did you two do in the old times?’, Gun asked him, ‘What happened in your cabin that I don’t know about?’

‘Nothing! Nothing at all’

‘You had feelings for him so something must’ve happened. What did you two do?’

‘Nothing. We just talked’, PP admitted, reminiscing of the moments he spent alone with Billkin, ‘We swam at the lake together, we sang in the middle of the night and we sneaked out to the willow tree. Haven’t you known anyone you feel so comfortable with that even silence doesn’t bother you?’

Gun smiled, looking down at his hands, ‘Then go talk to him’

‘Maybe you should do the same’

‘What the fuck do you mean?’

‘Off’s right here too. Why don’t you go and meet him?’

‘Uh, because I’m actually the one who thought of the promise idea and by the looks of it the only one who’s been keeping it. My situation is different, I don’t wanna see Off again but you wanna see Billkin’

PP gave in, leaning back on the table and remembering his classmates talking about a table tennis tournament. The whole department was talking about it and he contemplated on whether he should go or not. But he didn’t wanna stay up all night thinking about all the nights he spent dreaming about Billkin, staring up at the stars above his rooftop and whispering his name until he was crying, begging for the spirits above to send Billkin back to him.

Maybe this was the spirits finally answering his wishes.

* * *

**_Summer; 2017_ **

‘Hey, PP, do you wanna ditch the final assembly?’, Billkin asked as they headed out of their cabin, walking side by side with their luggage by their side.

‘You know I do’, he smiled, letting Billkin grab his wrist and drag him to the willow tree that they’ve called theirs, placing their luggage to the side as Billkin climbed up the tree, helping PP up as they sat on the nearest branch, their legs swinging side to side as they stared at the lake ahead of them.

‘I kinda wish we had a couple more weeks here’, PP admitted all of a sudden when he realised he didn’t have anymore time left with Billkin and his reality was looming over him. He didn’t know how to confess his feelings but he hoped his vague confession could get through to the former.

‘Me too’, Billkin chuckled, ‘To think I wanted nothing more than to leave this place and now I’m asking for a couple more days’

‘Maybe the enlightenment really did work’, PP joked, nudging Billkin’s shoulder against his, the pair laughing as the sun rose high above the skies, listening to their unspoken wishes.

‘You know, since we’re not going to be seeing each other again, I wanna do something’

‘What?’

‘I wanna kiss you’

‘Huh?’, PP almost fell off the branch as he turned to stare at Billkin, thinking he was joking, but when he saw his eyes gaze down on his lips, he froze, hands gripping on the branch.

‘Can I?’, Billkin asked, his voice soft and hopeful. He never showed any signs that he liked PP that way, which was why PP kept his feelings to himself, but now that he was asking, how can he ever deny himself of something he always wished?

‘Okay’, he was nervous when he replied, breathing heavily as his neck tensed, eyes closing shut as soon as Billkin leaned in.

All he heard was a laugh, a small chuckle until he felt something soft pressing against his lips. He’d seen Billkin’s lips before, he saw the way it formed when he laughed, he noticed the way Billkin bit them when he was nervous or annoyed, but he never once felt them. He never thought he’d have the privilege, but here he was now, relaxing against his touch and gasping when he felt Billkin’s cold hand resting on his neck.

He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t even think. All he wanted to focus on was the butterflies bursting from his veins as he leaned in, smiling at the feeling of elation that he never felt before but he welcomed nonetheless.

All the silent days they spent at the cabin all meant something and it led to this moment. A moment he wanted to last forever.

‘Billkin’, he whispered his name once they parted, leaning his forehead against Billkin’s, ‘I-’

‘You were the best thing that happened this summer’, Billkin whispered, ‘I’m gonna miss you’

‘What?’, PP finally opened his eyes and looked up at him, realising that Billkin was crying. He didn’t say anything, instead he wiped his tears away with his thumb, ‘Billkin?’

‘Gun’s idea is right. I don’t want to ruin what we made. I wanna keep it as it is’

‘And what is that?’

‘Something that I can cherish’, Billkin replied, ‘But I have to go back home and I know if I drag you with me… It’ll ruin everything’

‘So we’re just gonna leave and never see each other again’

‘Just remember why we came here in the first place’, Billkin said to him, ‘I’m not the best person in the world’

‘Nor I am’

‘But you are’, Billkin replied to him, grabbing his hands and intertwining their fingers together, ‘You’re the best person I’ve ever met’

‘So… Was that a goodbye kiss?’

Billkin didn’t say anything. Instead he smiled, sniffling as he wiped the rest of his tears away, bringing PP to a hug, leaning on his neck.

‘I’ll remember you. I promise’

* * *

‘Krit’, Billkin whispered the name for the first time in two years as he walked to the gym. The seats were crowded, their college cheering for them as the match began. He didn’t know he he suddenly remembered the name in passing motion but it drummed into his heart the moment the name resurfaced again.

He wondered why he ever forgotten it in the first place.

‘You ready?’, James nudged him, to which he nodded, looking at the crowd to where his friends began to scream his name, Alrissa holding a banner with their names on it, laughing as he waved at them.

But his smile dropped when he saw the person sitting behind them, awkwardly staring at him with a small smile on his face. PP waved at him, giving him a thumbs up.

He was frozen like a statue, just staring at the way PP stared back at him. He didn’t think he would wanted anything to do with him but now that he was here he felt… Full again.

‘Billkin? You okay? The match’s about to start’, James pulled him back in, dragging him back to the match, forcing him to look at their opponents instead, ‘You ready?’

‘Yeah. I’m ready’

* * *

Gun finished up for the day, closing the shop as he cleaned his hands, waiting for PP to visit him so they can go for dinner. Pp told him that he was gonna be late since he had a match to attend to, so he took his time, cleaning up the shop with music playing in the background. He hummed to himself, dancing with the broom in his hands, spinning it around and tapping his feet to the beat of the music.

‘I didn’t believe him when he told me, but you’re really here huh?’

Gun dropped his broom the moment he heard a voice interrupt him, turning to the door to find it opened with Off leaning on the doorframe with his hands inside his pockets.

‘Holy shit’, Gun gasped the minute he recognised him, his chest tightening when he saw that damn smile again, ‘Off?’

‘If I knew you were this close to me, I would’ve ran straight here’

‘Why’re you here?’

‘I saw PP waiting for me outside my building telling me that you were here in Bangkok with us’

‘He told you about me?’, Gun didn’t know whether to feel betrayed or not. He never told PP not to tell Off but he expected the boy to keep him like a secret.

‘He said he wanted all of us to reunite’, Off laughed, remembering feeling surprised when PP offered to buy him coffee, ‘He went on about wanting us to hang out like how we used to’

‘We made a promise’, Gun stopped him before Off could remind him what exactly happened between them during that summer, because he didn’t need reminded. He replayed those moments all night ever since they day he left, ‘Unlike them, I wanna keep mine’

‘I miss you Gun’, Off confessed, ‘I tried to forget about you but I couldn’t. And now that I know you’re here… It’ll be stupid of me not to try’

‘Off, don’t you just wanna remember me?’, Gun asked him, pleading to himself to keep his heart calm when Off kept taking a step towards him.

‘No’, he shook his head, ‘Not when I can have you instead’

‘Look at me’, Gun bit his lip, ‘Look at what I have to offer. Compared to you I have this old shop, these old clothes and an attitude that can get you in trouble. You don’t just have a family, you have an empire and I can’t ruin that for you just by being myself’

‘I _am_ looking at you’, Off ignored everything that Gun said to him because all he could focus on was the fact that the world gave him one more chance to get it right with Gun, ‘And I love everything you have to offer’

‘Off, don’t’

‘You were the first person who didn’t treat me like a rich kid who you needed to kiss ass to. And you’re still the only person who’s been stuck in my mind after all these years. Even my exes have nothing compared to you’

‘I’m gonna kill PP’, Gun whispered, tugging his hair back and taking a step back when he realised he was only inches apart from Off. He knew he was weak. Just one look at Off and he was… He was…

‘I’m only asking for one date’, Off asked, leaning closer, their faces only a breath away, ‘One date and I’ll leave you alone if you want to’

One look and he was hopelessly in love again.

‘Fine’, Gun whispered back, ‘One date’, and with his answer, he felt Off’s lips on his again. It felt like summer. It also felt like home.

* * *

_Bangkok University 12:10 Chang Mai University_

Billkin and James cheered as soon as the final whistle blew, taking the winning score and beating their opponents at the last minute. He threw his paddle up in the air, giving James a high-five as he watched his friends run out of the benches, throwing themselves at him as they cheered his name. The whole gym was loud and elated and he almost got lost in the moment if he didn’t see PP walking back towards the exit with his bag on his shoulder.

His smile immediately dropped, pushing pass his friends and the rest of the crowd, trying to run after the boy.

‘Where are you going?’, James pulled him back by the wrist, ‘We’re getting tacos after this’

‘I need to go somewhere first’

‘Where?’

‘I have someone to talk to’, he said, pulling back his arm and running out of the gym, leaving his friends to look at each other suspiciously.

Billkin on the other hand didn’t care about what his friends thought. A rush of adrenaline forced him to slam every door open, running across the hall and shouting PP’s name at the top of his lungs until he saw a figure at the front gates.

‘PP!’, he shouted at him, gaining his attention since he stopped walking. He was a sweating mess, his gym clothes sticking to his skin, but he kept on running until he was a few steps away from him, ‘You came to the game’

‘Everyone was there’, PP immediately made up a half ass excuse – one that Billkin didn’t buy.

‘Bullshit. You came to see me’

‘Oh grow up. Not everything revolves around you’

‘Look, I’m sorry that I offended you the other day. You weren’t just a summer fling to me if that’s what you’re thinking. I’m sorry I made you feel that way’

‘You broke your promise and kept in touch with Off. Why didn’t you break it for me?’, PP asked, his back still facing Billkin’s, the two of them standing under the moonlit sky.

‘If you must know, I hadn’t come to turns with my sexuality yet. So if I dragged you into my life, I didn’t know if I was gonna hurt you. Fuck, I didn’t know if my family were gonna speak to me ever again if they find out. You know how hard it is, don’t you?’

‘And?’

‘And what?’

‘Are you okay now?’

‘Well, if you must know, I came out to my family last year and they took it well’, he smiled, ‘It was a lot of crying but the worst is over. I can breathe again’

‘Congratulations’, PP said to him, which only made him laugh when he remembered what he told PP the first time they spoke in their cabin.

‘If you wanna know more about me, maybe we can grab coffee after this?’, he asked him, praying to the spirits above that he would say yes, because ever since he saw him again, all he could think about was PP. He suddenly wanted to open his perfectly wrapped gift of a summer. He didn’t want PP to just be a beautiful memory anymore.

PP didn’t answer him. He still didn’t even turn to face him either.

_‘Wouldn’t it be nice if we were older’_

_‘Then we wouldn’t have to wait so long’_

_‘And wouldn’t it be nice to live together’_

_‘In the kind of world where we belong?’_

Billkin began to sing an old song, a song which stuck to him the morning he saw PP dancing in the middle of the forest, his voice cracking as he sang at the top of his lungs, as if he was the only person in the world.

PP finally turned around, his eyes shocked as he listened to Billkin singing his favourite song. That wasn’t one of the three facts that he told Billkin, so why did he know?

_‘You know it’s gonna make it that much better’_

_‘If we can say good night and stick together’_

PP laughed at him when his voice cracked at the high note. He knew he was gonna give in tonight, but he wanted to try and fight it one last time, just to see if he had it in him to move on from Billkin. But he didn’t, so why bother trying?

_‘Wouldn’t it be nice if we could wake up’_

_‘In the morning when the day is new’_

PP joined in, his voice also out of tune, making Billkin laugh as he took another step forward, reaching out and holding PP’s hands, intertwining their fingers like the last time they saw each other.

PP closed his eyes when he felt Billkin leaning in, his heart skipping eight beats at once when he finally felt the same lips pressing against his. It felt so familiar. It felt like a friend, a sun kissed warmth that gave his heart a run for their money, because it was giving him more life than he ever felt before.

They saw a flash of light dance across the sky, followed by a low rumble of thunder.

‘Oh shit’, PP whined as he stepped back from the kiss, looking up to feel the cold droplets of rain falling on them, ‘Ew, it’s raining. We need to get out of here’

‘Oh no’, Billkin shook his head and pulled PP back before he ran off, ‘I know how much you hate water, but don’t you remember?’

‘What?’

‘I taught you how to swim’, Billkin said, placing a soft kiss on his cheeks as he spun him around all of a sudden, the rain only turning heavy the longer they stayed out on the field, ‘And now I’m gonna teach you how to dance in the rain’

‘Billkin, no!’

‘Billkin, yes!’, Billkin retaliated, forcing PP to dance with him, singing the same song over and over again until PP gave him, laughing as they ran around the field, jumping on puddle, getting their uniforms wet and staining their shoes with mud.

Summer ended. Autumn was also turning into winter. Old promises died along with the leaves and flowers, but that left room for new promises to bloom, ready to grow into something more once summer came back again.


End file.
